Truth, Dare Or Lose!
by Cookys 'n' Creem
Summary: [Humans] Some of your favorite Hamhams are ‘kidnapped’ and forced to play a new T.V show called ‘Truth, Dare Or…Lose!’, the show where the old fashioned game of truth or dare has a few twists and gets a bit out of hand... [Mild 'Swearing']
1. Being 'Kidnapped'

_**Truth, Dare Or…Lose!**_

_**By: i-luv-kitkats**_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Hamtaro._

_**Summary: **((Humans)) Some of you favorite Ham-hams are 'kid-napped' and put onto a new T.V show called: 'Truth, Dare Or…Lose!', the show where the old fashioned game of truth or dare has a few twists and gets a bit out of hand… _

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_Hey readers! I bet you're all getting pretty sick of me writing new stories at the same time as others, but eh… Oh and I'm so sorry that this has taken so long to make! My computer was broken down, and my other stories were still going… So yes, sorry! Anyway in this story I decided to put them as humans. NOT HAM-HUMANS! Just NORMAL, like you and me, HUMANS! So NO ham ears, NO tails, just HUMANS! So DON'T flame about that, or I will, yes I WILL DELETE YOUR REVIEW! _

_And if you don't believe me:gets a flame about humans and stealing a hamsters as humans idea: TRY ME:deletes flame: HA! SUCK ON DAT!_

_:clears throat: Anyway, on with the story, shall we? (And if there is a story like this that I don't know about, I am REALLLLY sorry! Just tell me by emailing or reviewing, and I will delete it right away. I'm VERY understanding.)_

**Chapter 1- Being 'Kid-napped'**

Hamtaro sighed. "Geez, how long has it been since something EXCITING happened to us?" He ran one of his hands through his orange and white hair. His dark blue eyes were filled with boredom. He wore an orange t-shirt and black jeans.

"Oui, I know what you mean!" Bijou agreed. Her white pigtails bounced slightly as she nodded. She had emerald eyes and wore a white blouse and a light blue skirt. Her pigtails were tied with blue ribbons.

"Like, lighten UP you two! You're bringing the whole clubhouse down." Sandy said, twirling her long, as in 2 MILES long, pink ribbon. She had dark orange hair in a ponytail, dark green eyes and wore a red, sleeve-less top and black shorts.

"Hahaha! That's a good one! That's going down on my 'Good jokes to steal'… I mean… 'Good jokes to BORROW' list!" Howdy laughed. He had dark brown hair and wore a brown kimono and his read apron.

(If you don't know what a kimono is, it's a long Japanese thing the Japanese people wear. That was a GREAT description… -.-' If you still don't get it, maybe one of my FAITHFUL reviewers will describe it better.)

Sandy sighed. "Borrow. Right… And how was that funny anyway?"

"Don't ask me, I'm just… um… 'borrowing' it for no reason."

Maxwell walked up to Sandy. "I agree with Sandy. You ARE probably going to steal it." He had neatly combed light brown hair and brown eyes. He wore a white, button down shirt and dark blue pants. He held a dark green book in his right hand.

"You'd agree to any thing she said anyway." Stan grumbled, shaking his maracas. He had messy dark orange hair. He wore a big black leather jacket over a white sleeve-less top and baggy jeans. Gold chains hung from his neck and black sunglasses covered his dark green eyes. Yep, he had the whole 'Pimp look' down.

Maxwell just scowled at Stan. "Yes, whatever… stupid pimp." He muttered.

"What was that?" Stan asked, raising an eye brow.

"Ah, nothing."

"AW! MAXWEEEEEEEEEL!" Howdy whined. "YOU WRECKED THE WHOLE THING!" He stormed out the clubhouse muttering something like: "Stupid Maxwell, wrecking my act!"

"Finally, he left!" Dexter cheered.

(I'm only going to describe a few people, okay?)

"Dexter, that's so mean!" Harmony scolded. She had long blond hair and wore a white, flowing dress. She had her star wand in her hand, pointing it Dexter.

"I agree with Harmony!" Boss agreed. He had dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. He wore a black t-shirt and army pattern cargos with a few holes here and there.

"Hey, watch where you point that thing, you might turn me into a NEWT or something!" Dexter said, pushing the wand away.

"I can only make people into frogs." Harmony replied bluntly.

A silence filled the room until Penelope cried out: "OOKYOO, FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

All the others gasped. "She can say 'for', 'god's' and 'sake'! IT'S A MIRACLE!"

"Ookwee, ookyoo, shut up…."

":gasp: She can say 'shut' and 'up'! The miracles keep on a rollin'!"

Penelope sighed, threw her arms up in the air angrily and started saying very… ahem… let's say 'colorful' words as she stormed out the clubhouse in a huff.

"WHOA! SHE CAN SAY… (colorfulness, sorry!) 3 MIRACLES IN A ROW!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Penelope screamed from far away.

"Okay, okay… geez!" The other Ham-hams sighed. "She can also say 'hell' and 'the' too!" They whispered.

Suddenly, a man with dark blue hair and ocean blue eyes burst into the room with 2 cameramen and a guy with those long microphone things in hand. He wore a white suit with a white shirt underneath and a black bowtie. "HEY-HEY HAM-HAMS!" He cried into a cordless microphone.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" They all screamed in surprise at the same time. They looked at the man in the suit and glared at him.

"Who the heck are you!" Boss demanded. "Get out!"

"Yeah!" The others agreed.

"Just go with it!" The man whispered to them. "Alright Joe and Jimmy, let's just grab these 7 Ham-hams and get back to the studio!" He pointed to Hamtaro, Bijou, Stan, Boss, Harmony, Sandy and Maxwell.

"What?" The 7 screamed.

Two bulky men in dark sunglasses called grabbed the seven and pushed them out the clubhouse door. One was bald and one had jet-black hair.

"You are wrecking my ribbons!" Bijou cried.

"Oh god, my hair!" Sandy screamed.

"HEY! DON'T TOUCH MY DRESS! You're crinkling it!" Harmony yelled at Joe.

Joe rolled his eyes and kept pushing Hamtaro, Harmony and Stan until they got to a big white van. Jimmy followed with the other Ham-hams, who were kicking and yelling at him aswell.

The man in the expensive looking white suit laughed evilly, and followed them. "This will be the best show yet!"

**--------------------------Soon After The 'Kid-napping'…-------------------------**

"Hello viewers, and welcome to…" The white suit man announced.

"TRUTH, DARE OR…LOSE!" The audience cried with him.

"I'm Bert Backerack and I'm your host for this fine day!" Bert grinned to the cameras. "Now please welcome our VERY first contestants… uh… those guys!" He pointed to the curtain, where Hamtaro, Bijou, Stan, Boss, Harmony, Sandy and Maxwell were shoved out by Joe and Jimmy.

"You STILL wrecked my dress!" Harmony said, nearly crying. She desperately tried to smooth her dress out straight.

"Get over it!" Jimmy snapped.

"WAZ UP, HOMIES? WAZ UPPPPPPPPP!" Stan drawled, making a Pimp sign. (You know when you put your arms over each other, that thing.)

Sandy slapped her forehead and went red in embarrassment. "We're not related, I swear…" Stan was now making an attempt to rap.

"YO, YO, YO! I'M THE STAN MAN! I KNOW THE… um… PLAN! SO YOU CAN RESIST THE MMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!"

Sandy stepped one step away from her brother and his so called 'rapping'.

"Uh… guys?" Hamtaro said quietly, pointing to the audience.

"HEY YOU!" One audience member shouted to Hamtaro. "WHAT YOU LOOKIN' AT!"

"You wanna go?" Hamtaro threatened.

"BRING IT ON, SHORT STUFF!" The man ran down the steps and jumped on Hamtaro. They started punching and kicking each other in one of those anime-fighting clouds.

"Um…" Bert looked at the Hamtaro and the man fighting and glared at Joe and Jimmy. "Break them up! They're ruining the show!" He hissed.

Joe and Jimmy, who are now going to be known as security, jumped into the anime cloud too. Stan and Boss soon followed.

"ARRRRGGHHH!" Bert screamed. "If you want something down, you got to do it your self!" He jumped in to the cloud aswell.

Soon, everyone in the entire studio had broken into a huge riot, fighting and pulling at each other's hair.

**-------------------------------20 Minutes Later…--------------------------------------**

Bert smoothed his hair back and smiled at the cameras. "Now that is over with, let's explain the show to all of you people out there." He pointed at the audience then the camera.

"That would be nice!" Boss growled.

"'Truth, Dare Or… Lose!' is a new show hosted by **ME**, Bert Backerack, as we play the old fashioned game of truth or dare with cameras rolling, and the whole country of Japan watching!"

The seven Ham-hams sighed with relief.

"…But!" Bert snapped.

The Ham-hams gulped.

"….OUR style of truth or dare has a few little twists here and there!" Bert continued. "For instance, if you don't do the dare, or don't say the truth -which we DO know by the way people!-, you get a very SPECIAL kind of outgoing!" He pointed to the floor. "You will LOSE automatically and thrown into a tank full of electric eels, and not let out until you get out and pay us $200 dollars!" He yelled, laughing evilly.

"WWWWWHHHHHAAAAAAT!" The Ham-hams screamed. "Why do we have to pay you anyway!"

"Just because I said so!" Bert snapped. "And that is only ONE way you can lose. The OTHER ways, you'll just have to find out yourself!" He grinned evilly at the seven Ham-hams, whose eyes had popped out their heads and jaws hit the ground.

"You're kidding…right dude?" Stan asked nervously.

"Nope! Now let's get on with this show!" Bert cried. The audience clapped and cheered in agreement.

As for the seven unlucky Ham-hams who were 'kid-napped' for this show?

Well let's take a little look, shall we?

The 7 'lucky' Ham-hams looked onwards at the cheering crowd with wide eyes and eyebrows twitching.

"This is SO messed up." Hamtaro muttered.

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_Well, that was my first chapter of 'Truth, Dare Or… Lose!' I need some truths or dares, even though I've got one in mind. Heh-heh-heh… It's pretty evil too. And NOW do you believe me when I say they are HUMAN? No hamster parts what so ever! SO LAY OFF!_

_Ahem. Anyway, pretty please R+R! Don't forget the truths or dares I need, and say if I should add another Ham-ham to the contestants! I'll fit them in somewhere!_

_i-luv-kitkats, over and out! ;D _


	2. I'm Not Wearing Any Underwear!

_**Truth, Dare Or… Lose!**_

_**By: Cookys 'n' Creem**_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Hamtaro, the Barbie dolls, or the tune Maxwell sings._

_**Summary: **((Humans)) Some of you favourite Ham-hams are 'kid-napped' and put onto a new T.V show called: 'Truth, Dare Or…Lose!', the show where the old fashioned game of truth or dare has a few twists and gets a bit out of hand…_

**----------------------------------**

**Chapter Two – "I'm Not Wearing Any Underwear!"**

"Hello I'm Bert Backerack! Welcome back to T.D.O.L, where we have another… :cough: LUCKY Ham-ham joining us! Please welcome, PANDA!" Bert pointed to next to the others.

The 7 contestants blinked. "What? WE'RE NOT PANDA!"

"NOT YOU, YOU MORONS! Damn it Steve, bring the other one already!" Bert yelled at the ceiling.

"Whoops, sorry!" A fat man with glasses eating pie said from the rafters.

Panda's scream came fading in. "aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Panda landed on Boss. He had spiky black hair and dark brown eyes and was wearing black jeans and a dark blue t-shirt. "Nice landing, JACKASS!" Panda yelled at Steve.

Steve shrugged and continued eating his pie.

"Also, another person asked for Pashmina! LET'S BRING HER OUT HERE!"

Pashmina was getting dragged into the stage by Jimmy, the security dude. She was screaming and had her nails scratching the carpet in an attempt to escape. She had light brown hair up to her shoulders and light green eyes. She was wearing hipster jeans, a baby blue t-shirt and her pink scarf. "Let go of me! This is abuse I tell you, ABBUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE!"

"Oh, shut up would you!" Bert said, shaking his fist at her.

"WHY ARE YOU STILL ON ME!" Boss yelled, pushing Panda off him.

"Geez, get your underwear out of a knot." Panda mumbled.

"I'm not WEARING any underwear!"

Everyone (including the audience) went dot-eyed and sweatdropped. Someone went green and rushed out the room. All the contestants took at least 8 steps away from Boss.

"OH, DUDE!" Panda shouted. "I LANDED ON YOU!" He shuddered and started brushing his clothes down. "Boss germs! BOSS GERMS!"

"You don't wear underwear! That's sick! Let's take this outside!" The same man who fought Hamtaro yelled.

"Will you stop fighting everyone! SECURITY!" Bert cried.

Joe and Jimmy dragged the struggling fight-o-holic to the door and kicked him so hard he flew across the sky.

"I REGRET NOTHINGGGGGggggggggg…!"

"Now, on with the damn show already!" Bert said.

The 7 original contestants sighed. "I thought he forgot…" Harmony sighed.

"Why? Is he some sick freak who doesn't wear any underwear?" Pashmina glared at Boss, who smiled sheepishly.

"No, we'll get chucked into a pit full of, like, electric eels and you don't come out until you pay $200 if you don't do the dare or tell the truth. Which sucks, like, a lot." Sandy said, sighing.

"YOU SICK FREAK!" Pashmina screamed, pointing at Bert who grinned evilly.

Suddenly big red recliners came under neath the Ham-hams and pushed them off their feet. "Ow, my ass! That was NOT cool, homie-licious gangster!" Stan did another pimp sign with his arms.

"MUHAHAHAHAHA! Let's get started!" Bert cackled. "The first dare comes from Chibi Uzumaki, who dares Bijou to go on a date with Boss."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Bijou cried in despair.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!" Boss cheered, jumping up from his chair and doing a freaky little victory dance. Which really didn't even look remotely LIKE a dance.

"Will you do the dare, Bijou dear?" Bert said with the same evil smirk on his face.

Bijou kept in a sob. "…Okay."

"HA! IN YOUR FACE HAMTARO!" Boss pointed at Hamtaro and did his victory 'dance' again.

Hamtaro pulled his face out from the pie Steve had dropped. "Mmm? Wha?"

**Bijou Dare**

Bijou was silently sobbing into her spaghetti-o's, which Boss had made :cough: _microwaved!_ :cough: himself. "Why God, WHY!" She cried to the ceiling.

Boss was messily making a lobster. "OW! Hey, Bij?"

":sob: What?"

"I don't think the lobster's quite dead!" The lobster jumped out of the pot, tipping the entire contents of boiling water onto Boss' hand.

"OW! MOTHER-"

Bijou let out a wail so you couldn't hear it.

The lobster glared at Boss, if it could talk all you would hear would be: "REVENGE!" for it jumped and bit Boss, well… on his butt.

"YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW! MOTHER F :Bijou sob! DIE YOU STUPID PIECE OF S :Bijou wail! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I WIN YOU LITTLE B :Bijou face falling into spaghetti-o's!"

**End Bijou Dare**

Back at the stage, Boss is seen rubbing his pants. "God damn lobster…" And Bijou his seen wiping her face with a handkerchief.

"Bijou fell into spaghetti-o's, and Boss got his butt bit by a lobster! What a great start to the show, ey audience?" Bert threw his hands out to the audience.

:que cricket chirp: "Mrrrm, mrrrm…" The audience mumbled.

"Oh, screw you guys!" Bert shouted. He quickly smiled at the camera. "The first truth is also from Chibi Uzumaki for Panda, and it is… 'If you and Pashmina made-out, would you enjoy it?' (Sorry Chibi, I had to change it encase other people didn't read yours)"

Panda cheered. "Oh hell YEAH!"

Bert grinned evilly. "It also says if you say yes if you say yes we get to hit you with a mallet. It says squeaky, but we're so rich we got to get a REAL one!" Bert pulled out a giant stone mallet out from behind his back.

"Ooooh, let ME do it!" Pashmina hissed, glaring at Panda.

Bert shrugged. "Hey, as long as it hurts…"

Panda's body shrunk as Pashmina's grew and fire appeared behind her. "Eeep."

"STUPID HENTAAAAAAAI!"

!WHACK, CRASH, SLAM,**_SMASH!_**

Panda's leg twitched in the air. "Owwww…"

Pashmina dusted off her hands and handed back the mallet to Bert. "Thank you."

Bert sweatdropped. "Okaaaaaay…" He shook his head. "Um… next dare is from Crystalgurl101, and she dares Sandy and Stan to act like each other for 24 hours!"

"WHAT!" "LIKE, SACRALIGE!" Stan and Sandy yelled at the same time.

"But he's a perverted pimp!" Sandy complained.

"Yeah, and you're a stupid ribbon obsessive!" Stan snapped.

"Well, do you WANT to meet my little friends?" Bert pulled a cord and the giant electric eel pit appeared. A couple of skeletons floated in it.

"You're so nuts!" Hamtaro cried, his face now full of blueberry pie.

"I know, thank you."

Both the twins sighed. "We'll do it…"

"LOVELY!" Bert said, clapping his hands together. (Yes, he's a little queer…)

**Begin Sandy / Stan Dare**

Sandy gave Stan her ribbon and Stan gave Sandy his sunglasses and chains. "Yo, was uuuuuuuuuuuup…?" Sandy drawled, doing the pimp sign.

"Like, look at, like, ME!" Stan said girlishly, spinning the pink ribbon so hard it wrapped around him. "Mmm, MMFPH mmm!" (Translation: Like, HELP me!)

Sandy 'pimp walked' over to Harmony. She gave a small shudder but winked flirtatiously at her. "How you doin'?"

Harmony covered her mouth. "I think I'm gonna be sick…"

"That's pimperish, homies!" Sandy sat in her seat, legs wide and arms crossed. A couple of minutes later she put her head in her hands and groaned. "I've reached a new low…" She muttered to herself.

Stan hobbled over to his seat, still wrapped in Sandy's ribbon. "Mmph, mmm mmm… mmph! (Translation: Like, I'm okay… like!)

Bert smirked evilly again and looked at the next card. "This next dare is from Call me Unigator, and he dare Hamtaro to baby sit a bunch of bratty kids."

"B-But! I've never baby sat before!" Hamtaro stammered.

"There's a first time for everything!" Bert pulled a cord and Hamtaro fell down a hole. "Man, I love this job…!"

**Hamtaro Dare**

Hamtaro shakily knocked on the door of his babysitting job. A man with a pale face and messy hair answered. He had red eyes and tiredness pouches as big as teabags underneath his eyes. "What…?" He asked mechanically.

"I'm the… um, babysitter?" Hamtaro asked uncertainty.

"THANK THE GOOD LORD!" The man zoomed out the door, holding his wife's hand. "There you're problem now!" He called, still running.

"B-But!" Hamtaro stepped into the house, looked around a couple of times and sighed with relief.

Suddenly he was met by a bunch of screaming, rampaging kids. "It's a new babysitter!" One kid said, pointing at Hamtaro.

"Uh…"

"Let's get him!" Another shouted.

"NO! I'm just… um… Santa Clau-SSSSSSSSSSSSS!" All 8 kids pounced on Hamtaro.

**7 Minutes Later, Hamtaro Dare**

"Joey, put that chainsaw down! Michelle, stop pulling Daniel's hair! ROSS YOU LITTLE BRAT DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THROWING THAT-!"

_SPLAT_

"…Jello." Hamtaro wiped the green goo of his face and flicked it aside with an angry look on his face.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! SUCK!" The little s#$ called Ross laughed.

"ALRIGHT! THAT IS **IT**!" Hamtaro roared, he swiped Ross in one hand and Joey in another. Then, another kid called Ashley -with a frying pan raised- charged at Hamtaro's… area.

Hamtaro got tears in his eyes. He collapsed on the ground and moaned. "OWWWWWWWWWWWW! OH YOU LITTLE S#&!"

Joey cheered and ran towards his chainsaw. Daniel started ripping Barbie doll heads off. Ashley got a 'kid-size' flamethrower and melted every one, both of them laughing evilly. Ross started throwing jello at random objects. Another kid -Jamie- was poking Hamtaro's moaning figure with a broom.

"Hehe! Pokie, pokie!" Jamie laughed, prodding Hamtaro again.

Hamtaro got a couple of words out. "Help… me…"

**End Hamtaro Dare**

Hamtaro fell from the ceiling, still tearing up. "I…hate…kids…" He muttered.

Bert was rolling on the floor, roaring with laughter. "AHA-HAHAHAHAHA! IN…! HIS…! CROTCH…! WAH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Hey, shut up!"

Bert got up, still chuckling. "Ahem. Next dare is for Harmony, sent in from Iambakashit. Harmony is dared to assassinate a member of the audience. (Sorry, I changed it because Harmony hasn't exactly got anything yet and Sandy has)"

"B-But! I'm not a killer, I'm a lover… of cheese!" Harmony protested.

"Seriously, do you want to be like Steve?" Bert pointed to a fat skeleton with glasses on. "He fell. Yes, fell…"

**Harmony Dare**

Harmony sighed. "Well, who wants to die?" Harmony pulled out a massive bazooka.

All the audience went dot eyed and moved sideways. Except for one REAAAALLY skinny guy who had a rope around his neck. "Goodbye, cruel world!"

"Eh, you'll do." Harmony smirked and pulled the trigger.

"YEAH, CCOME TO PAPA!" The suicidal guy cheered, holding out his arms.

**!BOOM!**

A huge, smoking crater was where the suicidal guy was. Harmony was thrown 7 feet back, her face full of that black stuff –it's like ash or something.

"Hehe… that felt goooooooooood!" Harmony said, stroking her giant bazooka lovingly.

**End Harmony Dare**

"YOU BETTER PAY FOR THAT STAGE PART MISS FAIRY… PIXIE… WHATEVER THE HELL YOU CALL YOURSELF!" Bert screamed. He cleared his throat. "The last dare is for Maxwell to serenade to Pashmina."

"What?" Maxwell squeaked.

"…What." Pashmina said, dot-eyed.

Sandy went red with anger. "WHAT!"

Everyone stared at Sandy. "What the-?"

"Um… carry on!" Sandy said, eyes narrowed at Maxwell.

Maxwell sighed. "I guess I HAVE to." He said before Bert could pull his oh-so-loved eel tank cord.

"Yes. Yes you do."

**Maxwell Dare**

Pashmina was in a tower –like Juliet- and wore one of those puffy dresses and tall pointy hats with the silk coming out of the top. She had her hand on her chin and one arm across the balcony ledge with a bored look on her face.

Maxwell was on the ground, kneeling with one arm in the air. "What? Oh, right." He cleared his throat.

"This ought to be good…" Pashmina mumbled, rolling her eyes.

(This is in the tune of the song Homer singes to Marge in Simpsons, you know the one where he meets Mindy) "Oh Pashy! You don't really want me to si-ing! But those guys from TDOL, they made me! I better, finish or Sandy will kill me! So I'll finish by saying… um… OH PASHYYYYYYYYY-Y!" Maxwell jumped up, panting.

Pashmina had a sweatdrop on the back of her head. "What kind of serenade was THAT!"

**End Maxwell Dare**

"That was… interesting…" Boss said.

"Are you nuts! THAT SUCKED!" Sandy scoffed. "I mean… gangster-licious!"

Stan muffled something through his ribbon cocoon.

Bert had dot-eyes as he stared at the 'newly-poofed-there-who-knows-how' Pashmina and Maxwell. "Um… that's all we have time for… stay tuned for 'How Some Cow Got His Groove Back'! See you next time on…"

"Truth, Dare Or… LOSE!" The audience chanted.

"Aaaaand, were out!"

"Hey Bert… can I call you Berty?"

"…WHAT!"

**----------------------------------**


	3. Hamtaro Brand Cat Food Now BBQ Flavor!

_**Truth, Dare Or… Lose!**_

_**By: Cookys 'n' Creem**_

_Disclaimer: __I don't own Hamtaro, TGI Fridays,_

_**Summary: **__((Humans)) Some of you favourite Ham-hams are 'kid-napped' and put onto a new T.V show called: 'Truth, Dare Or…Lose!', the show where the old fashioned game of truth or dare has a few twists and gets a bit out of hand…_

_DON'T HURT ME:ducks at random chainsaws thrown by furious readers: I knew it took a while, but at least it's up, yes?!_

**----------------------------------**

**Chapter Three – Hamtaro Brand Cat Food… Now With BBQ Flavour!**

Bert Backerack is seen smoking on stage, a scowl on his face. "God damn audience S.O.B's. This job is so degrading that if I have to say 'truth, dare or _fking_ lose' one more time I WILL shoot myself."

"Uh, Bert? We're on the air." A voice from behind the camera said, a nervous shake in their tone. "And Sandy?"

"Dude?"

"Why are you flirting with the female audience members?"

"WHAT?! You mean that _wasn't_ counted?!" The camera toppled to the side and you see Sandy choking the camera man with her pimp chains.

"BASTAAAAARD!!!!!"

The other camera man cuts to Bert, who has a 'what-the' stare on his face as he watches Sandy cursing at the unfortunate camera man. Looking back at the camera, he blinked. "Moving along…Welcome back to--" His eye twitched slightly. "Truth, dare or… lose!" He grinned shakily at the camera. "Excuse me for a minute."

While Bert walked back stage, Harmony was stroking her beloved bazooka with an insane-looking grin. "Be patient, bazooky-chan… we'll have fun soon…"

A loud scream came from the exact direction where Bert walked out. "AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! GOD DAMN FKING MOTHER FKS!!! SHOVE YOUR FKING TRUTH DARE OR FKING LOSE UP YOUR FAT FKING _ASSES_!!!!!!"

"……" The entire audience followed Bert's steps as he got back to the centre stage.

Eye twitching violently, Berk grinned. "Sorry about that. Let's just get this over with already before…Maxwell goes nuts."

Maxwell snapped awake, eyes bleary. "Zuh?"

A Japanese lady jumped up, screaming and pointing at Maxwell. "GODZILLA!!!!!"

"He's a monster I tell you!" Shrieked her English-speaking sister. "JUST LOOK AT HIM!!!!!"

Maxwell absent-mindedly scratched his stomach.

"AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFES!!!!" The Japanese women jumped through the studio window, wailing about 'Godzilla'.

"…Okay then, that was different…" Bert quickly grinned at the camera. "Anyway, onto our first truth. This is for Stan."

"Dude?"

"Not you Sandy, you ditz!" Bert snapped. "The MALE Stan…"

"I'm Stan! Look!" Sandy ripped off one sleeve to show a tattoo with 'STAN' in giant letters.

Harmony walked up to Sandy, and with a fierce grab, ripped off the fake tattoo.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I was gonna say. That's just WEIRD."

"YOU STUPID LITTLE PIXIE-FAIRY BIT---" (The following string of words coming out of Sandy's mouth were too vile, abusive and… like me to write down. Sorry.)

"So, STAN," Bert said loudly, trying to drown out Sandy. "From Chibi Corn Chip." He cleared his throat dramatically. "If Pashmina was drowning in a river, Bijou was about to be eaten by a bear, and Sandy was about to fall off a cliff... who would you save first?"

A man in a sound booth with a microphone sung out: "DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!"

"…I would…"

"DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!"

"You're outta here, Todd!!!" Bert yelled, Joe and Jimmy tackling the man to the ground.

"Dun… :cough, wheeze: dun… :hack: duuuuuuuuun…:CHOKE! SPUTTER! COUGH!:"

"WILL YOU SHUT HIM UP ALREADY?!" Bert looked back at Stan, one hand threatingly on his 'pull-and-reveal-the-precious- electric-eels' (or PARTPEE… heh-heh. Pee.)

"I would… RIP INTO THREE ME'S AND SAVE THEM ALL!!!!" Stan started laughing in Bert's face, until Sandy walked up and smacked him in the back of the head.

WHACK! "Moron!"

Bert slapped his forehead. "How did I end up with this job…?" Bert sighed. "Next dare… from Neodan282… PLEEEEASE…"

Boss blinked as a card magically poofed into his hand. "What the--?"

"Just READ IT, genius!!" One audience member yelled.

"Hey, fk you, buddy!" Boss shouted defensively. Groaning, he turned to Bert. "Do I _have_ to?"

Bert grinned evilly. (it's his trademark! WHEEE!) "Well… Simba was feeling a bit playful…"

Boss' was flown back as a huge trumpet came from back stage. "UNGAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"WAHH!! OKAY!!!" He took a deep breath, only to prance around singing loudly.

"_I'm not wearing any underwear today!_

_I feel so good and freeeeeee!_

_But just don't let me drink any lem-on-ade_

_'Cause it's a bad thing for me to PEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"_

Boss finished with a flourish and landing in the splits.

"……"

"…Dude, were you doing BALLET?!" Panda snickered, although slightly scared.

"Uh… no? No, I wasn't that was… 'Super Manly and Macho Dance-LIKE… Martial Arts!' Yes! It's a new form of martial arts! DANCE-FU!!!!" Boss announced.

"…Dance-fu."

"Yep."

"Martial arts."

"Mm-hmm!!" Boss said, puffing out his chest with obvious pride over his new found 'Super Manly and Macho Dance-Like Martial Arts'.

One huge man in the audience jumped up, ripping off his clothes to reveal a white karate-suit (I have NO idea what there called) with a black belt. "MARTIAL ARTS?! That's a challenge! HAVE AT YOU!!!"

Boss screamed girlishly as the giant black-belt lunged at him, tackling him outside.

"YOU CALL THAT MARTIAL ARTS?! GET BACK HERE YOU COWARD!!!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I don't wanna do Dance-fu anymore!!!!"

"When did you _start_?!"

Bert was drinking a giant bottle of vodka when the camera focused on him. "Wha? Oh!" Grinning, he quickly slid it behind his back. "Hehe. So… Mel-Girl dares Hamtaro to do a maths test…"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!" Hamtaro jumps at the camera, shaking it with wide eyes. "HAVE YOU NO SYMPATHY?! NO HEART?!"

"…If he does worse than 50, he gets dipped in barbeque sauce and thrown in a cage full of cats."

The entire rooms gasps.

"If he gets better than 50, he spends an hour on the stocks having cashew nuts and tacos thrown at him."

Another gasp.

"For 2 hours."

":gasp!:"

"…Wearing a maid's outfit." Bert chuckled softly at his little input.

":GASP!:" One man fainted. 2 ambulance members rushed in, a stretcher beside them.

"This man has over gasped!"

"He needs 3 hours of boring news! STAT!"

"Those poor tacos! Getting thrown at that!" One girl giggled.

"Yeah, they'll want to commit suicide!" Her friend agreed.

"Hey!" Hamtaro paused for a good comeback. "…Shut up!"

Obviously he has absolutely NO space in that tiny little brain of his for comebacks.

**Hamtaro's Dare**

Hamtaro was sitting by himself in a class room, front row. "So Mr.Hamtaro… are you--"

THWOCK!

The teacher stared at Hamtaro, unamused at the paper plane imbedded in his hair.

"What? It wasn't me!"

"Moron!"

**-In The VERY… 'Cosy' Space Of Hamtaro's Brain, While Doing The Test-**

What the hell does 'pie' mean?! Maybe it means… I'll get free pie after this! COOL!!!

…That's right. You all saw.

"Mr.Hamtaro? The test is over."

Hamtaro's goofy grin as he stared at his paper wasn't very encouraging.

"Mr.Hamtaro? THESE ARE JUST DOODLES OF PIES!!!!!!"

"I like pie!" Hamtaro chirped.

WHACK! "Moron!!!"

We'll see how Hamtaro went after this dare.

Bert was struggling to keep down a laugh at Hamtaro's misfortune. "This dare is from Chibi Corn Chip, and she dares Stan and Pashmina to go on a date!" Bert's grin turned evil. "Fortunately, she didn't say WHAT kind of date! This is where _MY_ fun begins!!!!" He cackled manically, pulling a cord that led to a giant whole underneath Stan and Pashmina.

"LIKE, SO NOT COOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**Stan and Pashmina's Dare**

"I'm gonna STRANGLE that guy when we get back!!!" Pashmina yelled threatingly to the sky.

The 2 teens were in a huge desert, with no civilisation whatsoever for thousands of miles. Pashmina was having a hissy fit, jumping up and down on the dusty ground childishly.

"Uh… Pashmina? Who are you talking to?"

We'll come back to these to later.

Bert wiped away an imaginary tear as the plasma showing Stan backing away from a screaming Pashmina sank into the floor. "Ah… classic. This next and final dare has to be my FAVOURITE so far. Once again from Neodan282, Panda you have to… to…" Bert gulped back the tears. "Ah…! I'm SO happy!"

"What?! Do I have to do some queer little--" Panda bunny-eared the word, "…'game' with you?! Because if so, I'll _dive_ into the electric eel pool right now! I'll even wear a giant MEATLOAF for 'em!!!"

"Uh… no."

"Oh. _Okay_ then."

"You have to… I can't believe this moments here already! …You have to _blow up_ your tool box."

Panda went teary-eyed. "What? Ol' Bluey?" Panda held up a old, rusty tool box with specks of what USED to be blue paint.

"Panda? How long have you had that… thing?" Sandy asked warily.

"Since I was 2!" Panda said gleefully.

"…That's creepy." The camera man mumbled.

"I heard that!"

"Ooops."

"Well, Panda? Should I fire up the 'Funtasticly Fun Happy Chair'?" Bert (once again) pulled a random rope to reveal an electric chair with a fleshy skeleton still simmering. A woman screamed as the curtains pulled back.

Panda, keeping back tears, turned to Harmony. "Do you have a light?"

"Boy, _do I_!" Harmony cheered, pulling out Bazooky-chan.

"No, no! A NORMAL light!!!"

Maxwell pulled a flashlight.

"NO!"

Someone held up a candle.

"MORONS!!!"

Harmony poked Panda with Bazooky-chan. "C'mon already! LET'S BLOW STUFF UP!!!"

"Man, I think she's turned pyro on us." Boss mumbled to Maxwell.

"Ehehe! Fire! Ehehehehehe! Things go boom with fire!"

"Scratch that, I'm POSITIVE."

With many TNT's placed around and on Ol' Bluey, Panda lit the fuse. "Goodbye, Bluey. We had some good times."

In the background of Panda's flashbacks, the song 'I'm All Outta Love' played wistfully.

"PANDA YOU MORON!!!!"

**KA-BOOM!**

Panda blinked, coughing out smoke. Like Harmony from Bazooky-chan, he had black soot… ash… whatever… covering his face. "WAHHH!!! BLUEY!!!! HOW COULD I?!?! BLUEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!"

The camera zoomed in on Panda as he broke down in sobs over the pile of ash that is now Ol' Bluey. "Hehehe…" The camera man chuckled evilly.

I think this is a good time to look back at Hamtaro.

"NOOO! I'll be good, I swear! I'll pay you…" Rumaging through his pocket, Hamtaro lifted up a paperclip and a piece of string. "Eh?! Eh?!"

"Let me think about this. Um… NO!" Bert pulled a cord and a pot of barbeque sauce poured over a maid-dressed Hamtaro.

"I thought I only wore a maid outfit in the stocks!"

"Meh. The make-up guys got bored." Bert booted the unfortunate soul known as Hamtaro in a pit full of cats.

"I HATE YOU AAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!" CRASH! "Ow!! Uh… Hehe… nice kitties…?"

Several cat screeches and slashing and tearing sounds came up from the pit. "YEOW! SON OF A-- OOF!!!"

Hamtaro crawled up out of the pit, scratched, mangled and every other synonym meaning PAIN. No, not pain, PAAAAAAAAAIN.

"Uh-uh-uh!" Bert tutted, kicking him back down.

"JACKASS!!!!!" CRASH! "Yeah, I'm back kitties! BRING IT OOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!"

**End Hamtaro Dare**

"How about we check on Stan and Pashmina, hmm?" Bert said happily. A pulverised, whole-body-cast Hamtaro simply glowered at him.

"Stan, now where the HELL are we?!"

"Well… at a…"

"Gracias! Welcome!"

"A Mexican restaurant?!"

"Uh… yeah! I meant to come here! Not a strip joint!"

"Pervert!" POW!

Pashmina sighed as she sat down. "You know… despite the wolf attack, the blistering heat and the rabies… I actually had fun on our…" She blushed slightly. "…Date."

"As if this is a date! On dates you have a good time, not a 50 pound scorpion on your shoe! But…" Stan smiled. "I guess it was kind of exciting."

Both teens blushed furiously as their faces began getting closer… their lips were centimetres apart…

"YOU LYING, CHEATING, SCUMBAG _JERK_!!!" SPLAT!

"_**FOOD FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!"**_

Stan and Pashmina stared, half-eyed, at the tacos and nachos slipping down their faces.

Somehow, a cow appeared in the mix of the various foods flying past.

"Stan?"

"Yes, Pashmina?"

"If you _ever_ tell anyone about what nearly happened, I will KILL you."

"Figured as much."

**----------------------------------**


	4. Don't Mess With The Writers!

_**Truth, Dare Or… Lose!**_

_**By: Cookys 'n' Creem**_

_Disclaimer: __I don't own Hamtaro. You must be rich. I ain't rich. :holds up wallet which lets out puff of dirt: See?_

_**Summary: **__((Humans)) Some of you favourite Ham-hams are 'kid-napped' and put onto a new T.V show called: 'Truth, Dare Or…Lose!', the show where the old fashioned game of truth or dare has a few twists and gets a bit out of hand…_

_I WANT TO LIVE! :ducks from cows thrown by livid readers: I knew it took a while, (HOLY CRAP, THIS HAS BEEN UP FOR TWO YEARS AND I'M ONLY ON CHAPTER FOUR?! :faints:) but at least it's up, right? …RIGHT?!_

_:cue cricket chirp coming from general direction of audience stand: "….."_

"…YOU SUCK!"

**--**

**Chapter Four – Don't Mess With The Writers!**

"Trash. Crap. Trash. Crap."

"Whatcha looking at, Howdy?" Oxnard asked curiously, poking his head up from behind the couch.

Howdy's eyes remained glued to the TV as he continued flipping channels. "Trash. And crap."

"Why?"

"My favourite show got cancelled."

"What was it?"

"'Watching Grass Grow'. But they pre-empted _that _for 'Watching Paint Dry', and everyone knows that's just total_ crap_."

There was a pregnant silence. Oxnard stared at the cowboy-cliché Ham-Ham known as Howdy, subconsciously nibbling on a cream puff. (A/N: CREAM PUFFS!! xD)

"Howdy?"

"Yep."

"You know you scare me, right?"

Howdy didn't even blink. His eyes stayed trained to the glowing screen of the television. "Uh-huh."

"_And_ small children?" Oxnard pressed, taking a cautious step backwards as Howdy literally pressed his face to the screen.

"...That's news to me."

The silence was deafening. If you listened hard enough, you could hear ol' Frank "Blue Eyes" Sinatra singing "That's Amore" in the background.

"Ah, finally! Garbage!"

**--**

Bert is seen singing said Sinatra song, complete with an oversized 'I LOVE YOU FRANKIE!' novelty foam finger. He freezes as the camera man — who will now affectionately be named Frankie — stares at him with wide eyes. Or, more accurately, the giant foam hand declaring the host's 'forbidden love' for the confused young camera man.

"…Uh… Mr. Backerack?" Frankie asked with a slightly shaking voice, inching away nervously. "Er… I only… um… think of you as a friend?" He finished, slight disgust in his tone.

Bert glanced at his hand, then the paranoid Frankie, then his hand again. "…Well, FU—"

"WE'RE ON THE AIR, MORONS!"

Bert scowled and chucked the hand towards the audience, who screamed fangirl-ish-ly and dived for the mass of foam.

"EH MI GAWD, that's been on his hand!"

"OH EM GEE, let me smell it!"

The camera swings back to Bert, who is left gaping at the group of shrieking, hyperactive young women — and the occasional man. "Stay back! Back, I say!Get away you _animals_!" He turns to the camera, and pursed his lips thoughtfully. "What was I doing again?"

"…Mr. Backerack, the game show, remember?" Frankie said from behind the camera.

Bert blinked, then grinned in a very showman like smile. "Oh, right! Welcome back, loyal fans, to the _finally _updated 'Truth, Dare, Or… Lose!' I can assure you, if it was ME writing this, it wouldn't take so long. HA! Take _that,_ Cookys 'n' Creem!"

Bert is suddenly seen wearing a sheep costume.

"EH?! WHAT THE FK?! Why the _hell _am I wearing a sheep costume now?!" Bert screamed like a little girl.

"I DID NOT!"

Yes, you did. Don't piss of the writers. I'm the pimp — you're just my bitch. HA.

Bert cursed angrily, glaring at the ceiling. "You're just angry you didn't get your daily coffee, stupid caffeine-obsessed who—"

Bert is now seen interpretive dancing around a full river of ravenous crocodiles, dressed as a meatloaf…

"AHHH! Okay, I'm sorry!"

Thought so. _Bitch_.

"A-Anyway. Our first truth — have we even had one of these yet? — is from Chibi Uzumaki. Now, since this is for another Ham-Ham who we just _couldn't _steal due to legal purposes…"

Child Services is seen punching their fists into their palm threatingly in a dark corner of the studio.

"…We've sent this feed in through a live camera in the Ham-Ham Club House! Please, give a warm welcome to the cuddliest little girl around, Penelope!"

A small girl in a white dress and a bright yellow blanket pulled over her head waves cheerfully towards the camera, a toothy grin on her face. "Hi, Bert! …Can I ask why you're wearing a sheep costume?"

"_No, you can't_."

"Did you forget to take you're pills again?"

"NO! Now, shut up an answer the fking question!" Bert snapped, an angry red flush touching his ears and cheeks.

Penelope crosses her arms and pouts. "…Meanie."

Bert ignored the fuming child, and proceeds to read off the card given to him. "Do you get annoyed when Pashmina obsesses over you?"

There is a pause. Pashmina glanced expectantly to the small TV with Penelope's face on it, expression adoring.

Penelope's eyes shifted nervously from side to side. "Uh… noes?"

Pashmina squealed happily, clasping her hands infront of her heart and giggling girlishly. "Awww! Isn't she a vision? That's my little sister, people! WHO WANTS TO SEE PICTURES OF HER AS A BABY?! Look at this one, she's picking her nose, how adorable…"

Penelope's innocent face instantly shaped into psychotic rage. "WHAT THE FK?! PASHMINA YOU SON OF A :beep beep:! YOU SAID YOU THREW OUT THOSE FKING PHOTOS YEARS AGO YOU LYING :beep!: I'M GONNA :beep beep beep: YOUR :beep: AND THEN :beep beep beep beep beep: UNTIL YOU HAVE TO :beep: SIDEWAYS!!" Shrieking in murderous fury, she pounces at the camera, only to have it topple to the ground and cut out into fuzzy black and white lines.

Bert stared at the TV screen, mouth agape. "DAMN! That kid's mouth is worse than a dirty sailor's!" Pashmina continued to coo about how cute Penelope is when she wants to rip her throat out on sight.

"Anyone else scarred for life? No? Well, whatever. Next dare is from MegaxRoll4eva, and she dares Harmony to sing 'Yanky Doodle' while wrecking her dress." Bert grinned maliciously at the camera, snickering. "Oooh… hehe… what a shame… pffft… how heartless!"

Harmony screamed bloody murder, firing random missiles from Bazooky-chan into the air, causing large chunks of roof to crumble to the ground. "REVEEEEEEEEENGE!!"

**Harmony's Dare**

"Yanky Doodle went to town… riding on a pony…" Harmony is seen throwing cans of different coloured paints onto her previously pure white dress. An eye is twitching violently as she does so, suppressing her anger only barely.

"THROW SOME DOG CRAP ON IT!" Someone from the audience suggested loudly.

"NO, NO; MAKE IT LLAMA CRAP!"

"YEEEEEEEEAH!!"

Harmony sends the two audience members the stink eye, a murderous glint in her ocean blue depths. "You'll get yours…"

Llama crap is now tastefully added to the splashes of neon colour that used to be Harmony's dress.

"Am I done now?" Harmony hissed, directing her flashing eyes to a still snickering Bert.

"SET IT ON FIRE!" Shouted the same audience members who suggested llama crap.

The death glare that is thrown their way could melt diamond.

Harmony is seen half naked around her smouldering dress remains, scowling furiously. "Alright, smartasses, what am I supposed to wear now?"

**End Harmony Dare**

"…Oh God, I hate you all. I hate you all _SO _much." Harmony seethes from her seat, now donned in an oh-so Vogue worthy potato sack.

Bert is giggling manically, who shouldn't throw stones because he himself, is still in his own fluffy sheep costume complete with cow bell collar. "Shut up. Don't remind me."

Make me. Anywho, back to the game show.

Bert is scowling at the ceiling again, tugging on a fleecy arm. "This next dare is from Awesomewriter123, who tells Bijou and Pashmina to have a break dancing contest."

"Sounds easy enough!" Bijou said confidently, crossing her arms smugly.

"Ah, ah, ah. This is why I love this dare so much." Bert sighed and snuggles the card to his chest adoringly. "Hehehe. Good dare-y… the winner gets to kiss a contestant of their own—"

"YES!"

"…But the loser must be subjected to Harmony's bazooka!"

"…ST!"

"That's BAZOOKY-CHAN, r'tard!"

"Whatever." Bert rolled his eyes. "Let's just get this over with so we can blow someone up already. I'm getting bored."

**Bijou and Pashmina's Dare**

The following scenes were so grossly offensive and just… well, plain _crap _that the author has refused to show them. The images planned in her mind were so horrifyingly BAD that she is now mentally scarred and must go see a therapist named Mr. Jason "everything-can-be-solved-with-a-big-group-hug" Murray every Tuesday for three hours.

Thank you for your time, have a fantabulous day! :D

**End Bijou and Pashmina Dare**

There is total silence on the stage, in the audience bleachers, even the Child Services guys in the corner were left speechless.

Bijou and Pashmina were panting heavily, still left in an ending move that had put 24 people into comas.

"…That… was so bad that I think my corneas are burning. In fact, I'd rather they _were _— along with my gonads… yeah, you heard right — instead of having to have watched that GARBAGE you two call break dancing. My 102-year-old great grandmother could have kicked your asses. Everyone in this room is now _scarred _because of it. I refuse to look at you any longer, and may God have mercy on your souls."

Hamtaro is attempting to stab out his eyes with a spork. Boss is fighting over both Stan and Panda for his screwdriver to do the same thing. Sandy is screaming incoherently, and Harmony is polishing Bazooky-chan in anticipation. Maxwell is simply left frozen on his seat, twitching uncontrollably and one of the poor souls put in a coma.

"Harmony, please blow up the _both _of them and put us out all out of our misery." Bert said tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

"HELLZ TO THE YES!" Harmony cheered, turning Bazooky-chan onto the horrified Bijou and Pashmina.

"Ah, wait. Due to more legal purposes, we aren't aloud to turn any firearms onto a contestant. Apparently it brought up too many 'pissed off obsessive fan' issues back in '62. Damn lawyers…"

"Awww!"

"But, you CAN, however, do what you wish when the show is ended. Make sure you invite me to watch, would ya?"

"YAY!"

Bert glanced at the final cue card. "Okay, this is our last dare for the evening. This is from Iambakashit, who wants Boss to ask Stan this question…"

Boss peered at the card, his eyes shifting across the words, until his face turned angry. "HEY! _Did _you still all my condoms?! WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!"

Stan, just thankful to finally be out of his sister's ribbon cocoon of death, made a disgusted face. "Dude, you don't _have _any condoms. You have no NEED for condoms. And if you do, I really don't wanna know on the very good chance I will blow my brains out."

Boss scowled at Stan, blushing furiously. "SHUT UP! I do_ too_ have condoms!"

Sandy gagged. "Ewwww… what the hell for?!"

"Well, first I put it on my—"

Sandy screeched and slammed her hands over her ears. "OH GOD, FORGET I ASKED! _FORGET I ASKED!!_"

Bert, pursing his lips in a vain attempt to keep back the vomit from leaving his mouth, smiled shakily at the camera. "…I apologise in advance for every reader hear today. SINCERELY. I give you all full permission to send Cookys 'n' Creem bomb letters."

Up yours, Backerack. I OWN YOU.

Bert is now seen scratching his fluffy ear with his equally as fluffy foot. Hehe.

"OH, COME ON!!"

**--**

Howdy is left staring at the TV screen, mouth agape. Oxnard is on the couch, a handful of chips frozen on the way to reaching his mouth.

"…THAT SUCKED!"

**--**


End file.
